sometimes time won't move fast enough
Dec. 24th, 2000 06:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll...there's family friends over, and they're all eating.
there isn't much food i like, and none of the main course is vegetarian, so i'm out by the computer again.
looking at my aim list makes me feel lonely. the few people that are online have away messages up or are idle.
i love my family, and i love spending time with them, but i prefer to take my breaks. so at moments i sneak away to the computer and relapse back into my world.
overall, today has been okay - much less hectic then i expected. the main reason for that, though, is that a friend of the family is giving my grandfather another handmedown computer, so i didn't have to go shopping with him for one. i actually slept surprisingly late - my mom woke me up at 12:30.
after taking time to sit online before having breakfast, and getting something to eat, the near headache-like plans were put in motion. my stepdad's cousin came over with her family; my stepdad, and her husband with kids were off to go to an ice skating chanuka event, where they would meet up with another friends' husband and kid, meanwhile my mom and i drove the cousin and abi to the other friend's house, and after dropping them off, went shopping.
i ended up trying a lot of stuff & barely buying anything. lately nothing just seems to fit me right - its actually quite frustrating.
after over an hour of shopping which included running into my stepdad's parents, i walked out of the store with 1 skirt thats too big for me, but its so nice i couldn't let it stay there and am now hoping it will fit tobi, and a bra-like strapless tanktop thing that i could possibly wear with a mesh shirt. i used to have a victoria secrets one like it, but it mysteriously disappeared. i've missed it a lot, but couldn't bring myself to buy another, as the last one cost me around $30. but seeing this one for only 10 bucks, i just couldn't resist.
next was a trip to a closing store in which my mom wanted to show me a(n armani) dress she thought i would like...
to be honest, i had my doubts, especially as she said it was nearly 80 bucks - it takes falling in absolute love with something for me to spend anything close to that amount on one article of clothing.
well. let me tell you... i love it! its a low-v-necked, loose, long dress, a bit on the see-through side, but damn!
abd to top it off, it was only 30 bucks by today!
so, i am now an owner of an armani dress. i honestly didn't think that that would be possible. a part of me wants to try posting it to ebay just to see what i could get for it, but i like it a little too much for that : )
so after the shopping trip & the second headache of getting everyone together here, and a quick bite to eat, here i am.
i got email from sharon about possibly meeting up, and the impatient part of me really wants to know if/when we could do it, but the understanding part of me says to sit & wait, its still dinner time, and i don't want to interrupt anything.
i'm just hoping i hear from her soon : )
so i guess since i am just sitting here bored, i should recount the truck things.
its odd.
i was about 3 hours into my drive, and it was dark out. i am somewhat aware of an 18-wheeler being behind me - a fact that doesn't put me at ease at all. then i look into the rearview mirror and see a cross. it took me a second or two to realize that the trucker had a lit cross on the grill of the truck.
and what were my first emotions as all that (tired) thought is going on?
fear and indignation.
it was so primal its hard to put it into words. but it upset me. not to the point of working my way to being behind it and calling the 'hows my driving' number, but close enough to consider it.
and thats really something to make me think - why should i react this way to a cross?
and i think a lot of it has to do with my past experiences combined with my disdain for organized religion.
when i was a kid in russia, i didn't question the anti-semitic remarks thrown at me... i had a very accepting disposition then, and just took at as the way things were. yet with time, i've come to understand the full meaning of what it was, and none of that is memories i look back on fondly. and in russia, persecution was mostly done by those to whom religion mattered - and all those people wore crosses around their necks.
the one time i experienced real anti-semitism in america (in HS in california), it was done by a white supremacist group, the kind that claim to be christian. and it hit me real hard. in retrospect, the song 'but there are no cats in america' plays alongside that memory.
to add to that my views of organized religion, the cross has become, to me, a sign of hatred. not as high up as the swastika, but still a lower rung on the same scale.
hence he fear.
the indignation, i think, came from the fact that i take my car to be my personal space. and being exhausted from driving, i became indignant that something like that became a part of my personal space through my rear view mirror.
still prolly not the healthiest of reactions...
and on a good note, sharon just called, and we're going to try & meet up in a few hours : ) yay!
there isn't much food i like, and none of the main course is vegetarian, so i'm out by the computer again.
looking at my aim list makes me feel lonely. the few people that are online have away messages up or are idle.
i love my family, and i love spending time with them, but i prefer to take my breaks. so at moments i sneak away to the computer and relapse back into my world.
overall, today has been okay - much less hectic then i expected. the main reason for that, though, is that a friend of the family is giving my grandfather another handmedown computer, so i didn't have to go shopping with him for one. i actually slept surprisingly late - my mom woke me up at 12:30.
after taking time to sit online before having breakfast, and getting something to eat, the near headache-like plans were put in motion. my stepdad's cousin came over with her family; my stepdad, and her husband with kids were off to go to an ice skating chanuka event, where they would meet up with another friends' husband and kid, meanwhile my mom and i drove the cousin and abi to the other friend's house, and after dropping them off, went shopping.
i ended up trying a lot of stuff & barely buying anything. lately nothing just seems to fit me right - its actually quite frustrating.
after over an hour of shopping which included running into my stepdad's parents, i walked out of the store with 1 skirt thats too big for me, but its so nice i couldn't let it stay there and am now hoping it will fit tobi, and a bra-like strapless tanktop thing that i could possibly wear with a mesh shirt. i used to have a victoria secrets one like it, but it mysteriously disappeared. i've missed it a lot, but couldn't bring myself to buy another, as the last one cost me around $30. but seeing this one for only 10 bucks, i just couldn't resist.
next was a trip to a closing store in which my mom wanted to show me a(n armani) dress she thought i would like...
to be honest, i had my doubts, especially as she said it was nearly 80 bucks - it takes falling in absolute love with something for me to spend anything close to that amount on one article of clothing.
well. let me tell you... i love it! its a low-v-necked, loose, long dress, a bit on the see-through side, but damn!
abd to top it off, it was only 30 bucks by today!
so, i am now an owner of an armani dress. i honestly didn't think that that would be possible. a part of me wants to try posting it to ebay just to see what i could get for it, but i like it a little too much for that : )
so after the shopping trip & the second headache of getting everyone together here, and a quick bite to eat, here i am.
i got email from sharon about possibly meeting up, and the impatient part of me really wants to know if/when we could do it, but the understanding part of me says to sit & wait, its still dinner time, and i don't want to interrupt anything.
i'm just hoping i hear from her soon : )
so i guess since i am just sitting here bored, i should recount the truck things.
its odd.
i was about 3 hours into my drive, and it was dark out. i am somewhat aware of an 18-wheeler being behind me - a fact that doesn't put me at ease at all. then i look into the rearview mirror and see a cross. it took me a second or two to realize that the trucker had a lit cross on the grill of the truck.
and what were my first emotions as all that (tired) thought is going on?
fear and indignation.
it was so primal its hard to put it into words. but it upset me. not to the point of working my way to being behind it and calling the 'hows my driving' number, but close enough to consider it.
and thats really something to make me think - why should i react this way to a cross?
and i think a lot of it has to do with my past experiences combined with my disdain for organized religion.
when i was a kid in russia, i didn't question the anti-semitic remarks thrown at me... i had a very accepting disposition then, and just took at as the way things were. yet with time, i've come to understand the full meaning of what it was, and none of that is memories i look back on fondly. and in russia, persecution was mostly done by those to whom religion mattered - and all those people wore crosses around their necks.
the one time i experienced real anti-semitism in america (in HS in california), it was done by a white supremacist group, the kind that claim to be christian. and it hit me real hard. in retrospect, the song 'but there are no cats in america' plays alongside that memory.
to add to that my views of organized religion, the cross has become, to me, a sign of hatred. not as high up as the swastika, but still a lower rung on the same scale.
hence he fear.
the indignation, i think, came from the fact that i take my car to be my personal space. and being exhausted from driving, i became indignant that something like that became a part of my personal space through my rear view mirror.
still prolly not the healthiest of reactions...
and on a good note, sharon just called, and we're going to try & meet up in a few hours : ) yay!
