Today's school-related realization and a poly question

[elvendoll]

So my group is doing a project. It's a content analysis project, so we're watching primetime ads to see if women are portrayed in a sexualized manner in the ads. We've got a checklist of 12 items - with things like "skimpy clothing", "wearing only bikini/underwear", "focus on lips, breasts or butt" and more subtle things like "flipping hair" and "talking in a whisper or sensualized voice".

My classmate and I have watched 230 ads so far, and had a "huh, there's barely any sexualization going on!" reaction. Which is fine; we have hypotheses, and we can talk about how/why they were wrong.
But today, I looked at the numbers and saw that out of 230 ads, half didn't have any women in them at all. Of the ones that did, 20% had the "camera does checking out panning of female body" checked. Because, that's like, not significant or anything.

And this question is inspired by the second half of mzrowan's post, and some of the responses to it.
Are there times when relationship status is asserted (or needs to be asserted?) to a partner, when it doesn't involve at least one person being a jerk or a dire emergency?
I've never been in a situation where that's happened, but the scenarios my brain comes up with tend to involve people using relationship status to either shirk responsibility without giving a no that they have to own up to, or as controlling behavior. And I'm guessing situations that aren't the unhealthy ones my brain is coming up with are out there, and am curious about what they could be.

Comments

[bloodstones.livejournal.com]

How about when one's partner is lying to him/herself about the status and you're calling bullshit? If, hypothetically, a guy is claiming that he doesn't want to define a primary relationship, but is spending six days a week with one person and neglecting his other relationships to the point that they eventually break up with him over IM because of said neglect, I would consider it reasonable to assert a relationship status because by avoiding the definition it appears that said guy is trying reap all the benefits of a serious/primary relationship without having to take on any of the responsibility.

Also, what would you consider a dire emergency?

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

I think there's a difference between asserting your own boundaries and asserting relationship status. To me, something like "for the amount of time we seem to be spending together, I expect X, Y and Z out of the relationship - if you don't want X, Y and Z, we need to talk about where that leaves us" is different from "We're behaving like primaries, so I should have X, Y and Z with you now".

Dire emergency would be something like a medical or significant emotional problems - like if I'd had a weekend away planned when Dan's stepdad passed away, those plans would've been cancelled to accompany Dan to the funeral. At the same time, I'd phrase it as "I want to be there for Dan", not "Dan takes first priority"

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh, I see. You mean "assert relationship status" as in "pulling rank", or whatever. Hmmm...

Yes. I have been in situations where I've said, "I would really like to give this thing to partner A even though it's inconvenient for you, and I'm really sorry", and everyone involved has said "okay and thank you for telling me".

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

That's still different, I think. I'm thinking of times when people justify decisions or behaviors with rank, rather then personal choices.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

The examples I'm thinking of were actually based on rank -- had the partners' roles been reversed, I wouldn't have made the same choice. I guess I didn't make that part clear. :) Like, that "I'd like to suddenly cut our date short with no warning to go deal with something that's not a dire emergency" evening comes to mind.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

Since the situation you described may not be theoretical, I'll also emphasize that I said "at least one person being a jerk", that all jerkiness, like most other things in life, are set on a continuum, and in the situation described the partner sounds like he/she was being one hell of a jerk.

[bloodstones.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was being a little snarky, but dry humor does not always read well on the internet. :) It wasn't even that I wasn't getting X, Y, and Z it was that he was being dishonest with himself about what was happening. I have very little tolerance for people lying to themselves about what they're doing in any situation.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

I have very little tolerance for people lying to themselves about what they're doing in any situation.

More tolerance then I had, by far ; P

[haptotrope.livejournal.com]

I think you have an excuse to watch the "man channel" like playboy or espn, or somesuch. The thing about marketting is that is is intensely tricky (see "The century of the self -- on google video -- its really neat)

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

We're limiting the analysis to non-cable channels, so no "man channels" for me : )

And thank you for that link - I've been hoping Netflix would get that video in!

[(Anonymous)]

it might be intersting to check it against "shows men would watch" (like Lost, vs, Sex in the City/Greys anatomy)

tread lightly on the assumption factors tho.

:-)

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

Yeah - we just need to track down Nielsen ratings for gender breakdowns, vs. our guesses on who a show appeals to.

[kaligrrrl.livejournal.com]

that post is right in line with some stuff I've been thinking about. thanks for the pointer.

[catness.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I remind my sweetie how "MINE" he is.

(Not often, because really, he belongs to himself. But he gives part of that to me, so once in awhile I like to acknowledge that he has.)

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

: )

Got any examples to share?

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I understand the question! But, for example, I will often give dilletante a big hug and say a sentence with "husband!" in it, because I'm still so happy that that's our relationship status that it occasionally requires exclaiming. :) I like to periodically let people know that they're important to me and that they make me happy, and in Big Relationships, this often means asserting or reasserting relationship status.

[catness.livejournal.com]

*blink*

You're in my ASL class.

(Sorry for hijacking your thread, elvendoll...)

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Hah, that's funny. :) Hi!

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

NP - yay for small world!

[drakemonger.livejournal.com]

Do you mean "assert" as in a logical assertion ("A is A", "all dogs are mammals", "so-and-so is a primary") or "assert" as in "assertive" ("screw off, you're not my primary" or "screw off, you're not his primary") ?

I've recently done "asserted" relationship priorities in the logical-assertion sense in order to make sure I was communicating my assumptions clearly.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

I meant the latter.

[ged.livejournal.com]

Somewhat related: http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/guykawasaki/Gypm/~3/105031781/science_daily_w_2.html

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

Studies have also found the same effect with violence in media content.