under the weather?
Jan. 10th, 2001 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolli think thats an odd expression for the winter time.
*sigh*
i am in a rather vile mood right now.
i want to go to sleep, but i am afraid of waking up in a few hours in an even worse mood. though i am really damn sleepy.
i went to be semi-early last night (at midnight) and still couldn't get up this morning. didn't even get to have breakfast!
but, a coworker ended up fetching breakfast homefries fromt he caf around 10pm, so by the time i got to wendy's for lunch, i was barely hungry. i ended getting fries & their dessert/half shake thingie. the half-shake thingie was actually rather good, but didn't go as well with fries as an actual shake would have. c'est la vie. i don't need to be eating fried foods anyways.
blah. i am thirsty right now. i've been almost consantly thirsty since the surgery - its like all of a sudden my body keeps thinking i'm depraved of liquids. i don't mind the fact that i've been drinking more fluids, but the constant thirst is a pain int he ass - feeling near constant defiency in any part of my life gets to be a pain in the ass real quick.
blah.
bill just called to tell me he's going to be later then he thought. he asked if this was cool with me. talk about humbling. we get into a semi fight before he went out today... and i was the total bitch. because my whole world got strung up on one little thing, and i wouldn't stop it until i got my way.. meanwhile he was nearly crawling out of his skin. and you know what? i hate it. and i hate how i behaved. only PMS does this weird thing where i can see i am wrong but i still can't cut it out. i want so much to apologize to him and i am scared. because if the situation was reversed, i'd forgive him, but iw ouldn't take his apology - because i have this pet peeve with apologizing after doing something wrong because apologizing after the fact is easier then changing your actions during it... so i'd feel like even more of a shit & a hypocrite apologizing. blah.
i want to do somehting nice for him, but totally don't have the $$ to.do much. *sigh* well not that i don't have it, i just don't have any i feel i can spend. i am really below wheat i thought i would be saving up, especially afteri pay this past couple of months' bills, and that makes me really unhappy. its making me worry about just how much school is going to cost, and afraid of failing ont he goal of having eye surgery in the spring. of course loaning bill money so he can get his license back isn't going to help the view of my bank account one bit. *sigh again* the odd think is is that he's paid me back all the money he's owed me... only i seem to spend all the money he gives me, while having little prblems of not taking my paychecks out of the bank. it makes me wonder if subconsciously i have a different set of values for that money, and makes me wonder what i can do to break the habit. cuz i need to be saving up every penny i get if i am going to pay for school & the surgery.
*sad laughter* its kinds sad & funny how i keep talking about getting the surgery. i've been talking about it for over a year now, but i still haven't had my eye check out to make sure the laser surgery can be done on it! i think a lot of it is denial of the chance it can't be - because if it can't, i'll need to seriously start wearing either glasses or contacts. i will honestly go blind if i don't, and that prospect scares me shitless.
blah.
got distracted for a bit...
was gonna write more, but not in the mood anymore...
prolly gonna go to bed soon...
*sigh*
i am in a rather vile mood right now.
i want to go to sleep, but i am afraid of waking up in a few hours in an even worse mood. though i am really damn sleepy.
i went to be semi-early last night (at midnight) and still couldn't get up this morning. didn't even get to have breakfast!
but, a coworker ended up fetching breakfast homefries fromt he caf around 10pm, so by the time i got to wendy's for lunch, i was barely hungry. i ended getting fries & their dessert/half shake thingie. the half-shake thingie was actually rather good, but didn't go as well with fries as an actual shake would have. c'est la vie. i don't need to be eating fried foods anyways.
blah. i am thirsty right now. i've been almost consantly thirsty since the surgery - its like all of a sudden my body keeps thinking i'm depraved of liquids. i don't mind the fact that i've been drinking more fluids, but the constant thirst is a pain int he ass - feeling near constant defiency in any part of my life gets to be a pain in the ass real quick.
blah.
bill just called to tell me he's going to be later then he thought. he asked if this was cool with me. talk about humbling. we get into a semi fight before he went out today... and i was the total bitch. because my whole world got strung up on one little thing, and i wouldn't stop it until i got my way.. meanwhile he was nearly crawling out of his skin. and you know what? i hate it. and i hate how i behaved. only PMS does this weird thing where i can see i am wrong but i still can't cut it out. i want so much to apologize to him and i am scared. because if the situation was reversed, i'd forgive him, but iw ouldn't take his apology - because i have this pet peeve with apologizing after doing something wrong because apologizing after the fact is easier then changing your actions during it... so i'd feel like even more of a shit & a hypocrite apologizing. blah.
i want to do somehting nice for him, but totally don't have the $$ to.do much. *sigh* well not that i don't have it, i just don't have any i feel i can spend. i am really below wheat i thought i would be saving up, especially afteri pay this past couple of months' bills, and that makes me really unhappy. its making me worry about just how much school is going to cost, and afraid of failing ont he goal of having eye surgery in the spring. of course loaning bill money so he can get his license back isn't going to help the view of my bank account one bit. *sigh again* the odd think is is that he's paid me back all the money he's owed me... only i seem to spend all the money he gives me, while having little prblems of not taking my paychecks out of the bank. it makes me wonder if subconsciously i have a different set of values for that money, and makes me wonder what i can do to break the habit. cuz i need to be saving up every penny i get if i am going to pay for school & the surgery.
*sad laughter* its kinds sad & funny how i keep talking about getting the surgery. i've been talking about it for over a year now, but i still haven't had my eye check out to make sure the laser surgery can be done on it! i think a lot of it is denial of the chance it can't be - because if it can't, i'll need to seriously start wearing either glasses or contacts. i will honestly go blind if i don't, and that prospect scares me shitless.
blah.
got distracted for a bit...
was gonna write more, but not in the mood anymore...
prolly gonna go to bed soon...
