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elvendollyou know, day to day, i'm a somewhat angry person.
but the majority of that is passive anger, and i can deal with that... active anger, on the other hand, is something i cannot deal with. given that its hard for your average joe to really anger me, usually its the people closest to me that do, and as much as i try to stop myself, usually i just lash out in return. pain for pain...
this morning caused me to be very angry. only for the first time in prolly years, i am angry at someone i don't know well, someone i can't lash out at.
and i am so not dealing.
i knwo the money is coming back to me. i know matty says he is sorry.
only i don't think he's really sorry, and i cannot move past this anger. its just sitting here, making me miserable.
a while ago, when i was going through really rough moments in my life, hearing an eagles song gave me an epiphany - 'don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy' ... and since then, whenever i find myself flipping out about just the way i or life functions, i try to calm down, tell myself that somethings need to be accepted and then dealt with rather then trying so hard to swim against the current.
only in this situation, it seems like fighting this anger is swimming against the current. but i don't know how to deal with this anger in any other way because there is noone i can lash out at, noone i can hurt in return, and no way for me to feel like he's genuinely sorry for this bullshit.
i am asking bill to see if we can just have tonight be a quiet evening for the two of us, and considering asking work if i can work from home on monday so i could go to NJ tomorrow and just chill there for a bit.
*sigh*
but the majority of that is passive anger, and i can deal with that... active anger, on the other hand, is something i cannot deal with. given that its hard for your average joe to really anger me, usually its the people closest to me that do, and as much as i try to stop myself, usually i just lash out in return. pain for pain...
this morning caused me to be very angry. only for the first time in prolly years, i am angry at someone i don't know well, someone i can't lash out at.
and i am so not dealing.
i knwo the money is coming back to me. i know matty says he is sorry.
only i don't think he's really sorry, and i cannot move past this anger. its just sitting here, making me miserable.
a while ago, when i was going through really rough moments in my life, hearing an eagles song gave me an epiphany - 'don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy' ... and since then, whenever i find myself flipping out about just the way i or life functions, i try to calm down, tell myself that somethings need to be accepted and then dealt with rather then trying so hard to swim against the current.
only in this situation, it seems like fighting this anger is swimming against the current. but i don't know how to deal with this anger in any other way because there is noone i can lash out at, noone i can hurt in return, and no way for me to feel like he's genuinely sorry for this bullshit.
i am asking bill to see if we can just have tonight be a quiet evening for the two of us, and considering asking work if i can work from home on monday so i could go to NJ tomorrow and just chill there for a bit.
*sigh*
