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elvendoll...i am here trying...
i feel kind of alone right now. reading through all the shtuff online my mind just kind of wondered what kind of a weekend i would have had had i stayed in mass. cuz i did have an overful load of stuff i wanted to do before deciding to drop everything and come here. missing bill a little, too... i didn't get a chance to chat to him last night cuz my stepdad was hogging the computer, and haven't seen him online today : (
i woke up late today, 1pm, which is so refreshing because it seems like its been a wicked long time since i've gotten a good night's sleep. chilled around the house for a bit, playing with abi, etc... after a bit, we went to my stepdad's sister's house, which was odd but ok. it just seemed like we didn't talk the entire time we were there... by the end, abi was getting really tired/cranky, too... as we were about to leave, leon's parents came in, and had books for my sister & my parents. the book they had for my parents is one on dali, which i found to be a little annoying. back when yana (leon's sister) got engaged, she got a three tome set on dali... and when i was visibly drooling over it, i was told i'd get one for my engagement also. and i know they didn't know too much ahead of time that i'd be there, but i'm still kind of surprised they didn't just say the book was for me. and i guess it kind of struck me more not because its an 'attention to me' thing, but because leon's parents have lately been more distant and condencending to me, showing active dislike for the fact that my parents are still helping to support me, even though they still help out their daughter, who's nearly 30.. it just seems like a 'not our real granddaughter' thing.
c'est le vie though... its just a tiny spec in my universe, and i should be glad that this is only an attitude they've developed recently.
in the time i've spent with my mom, we did a bnuch of reminiscing of when i was younger, and i asked her why she handled certain situations with me the way she did... she ducked the questions saying she didn't remember, which has lead me to think that one of the major reasons she was so lax with me when i was growing up was because she just didn't know how to react, would not react, and thought everything was ok... which, with my personality, was prolly the best way to handle me, too...
i'm feeling quite anxious right now, and i don't know why exactly... i just know i don't like it one bit. *sigh*
took a bunch of pictures of abi earlier on.. i'll prolly through one in here at some point, just to show off how cute she is : P
also been thinking that i really need to make a resolution to read more. i think its horrible how little i've been reading lately, and it needs to change.
also just noticed that bill's account isn't on & idle.. its off... thats odd...
also been thinking that i really need to make an effort to hang out with more people... i rarely see anyone other then bill & tobi, and when neither one is around i feel like a total reject...
bloop...
i wonder whether my mood can be read through my entries. i know i can see it... whenever i'm anxious, my sentences are more terse, and i skip topics a lot, while when i am feeling better, they flow and tangent more...
and i think thats it for me right now...
i feel kind of alone right now. reading through all the shtuff online my mind just kind of wondered what kind of a weekend i would have had had i stayed in mass. cuz i did have an overful load of stuff i wanted to do before deciding to drop everything and come here. missing bill a little, too... i didn't get a chance to chat to him last night cuz my stepdad was hogging the computer, and haven't seen him online today : (
i woke up late today, 1pm, which is so refreshing because it seems like its been a wicked long time since i've gotten a good night's sleep. chilled around the house for a bit, playing with abi, etc... after a bit, we went to my stepdad's sister's house, which was odd but ok. it just seemed like we didn't talk the entire time we were there... by the end, abi was getting really tired/cranky, too... as we were about to leave, leon's parents came in, and had books for my sister & my parents. the book they had for my parents is one on dali, which i found to be a little annoying. back when yana (leon's sister) got engaged, she got a three tome set on dali... and when i was visibly drooling over it, i was told i'd get one for my engagement also. and i know they didn't know too much ahead of time that i'd be there, but i'm still kind of surprised they didn't just say the book was for me. and i guess it kind of struck me more not because its an 'attention to me' thing, but because leon's parents have lately been more distant and condencending to me, showing active dislike for the fact that my parents are still helping to support me, even though they still help out their daughter, who's nearly 30.. it just seems like a 'not our real granddaughter' thing.
c'est le vie though... its just a tiny spec in my universe, and i should be glad that this is only an attitude they've developed recently.
in the time i've spent with my mom, we did a bnuch of reminiscing of when i was younger, and i asked her why she handled certain situations with me the way she did... she ducked the questions saying she didn't remember, which has lead me to think that one of the major reasons she was so lax with me when i was growing up was because she just didn't know how to react, would not react, and thought everything was ok... which, with my personality, was prolly the best way to handle me, too...
i'm feeling quite anxious right now, and i don't know why exactly... i just know i don't like it one bit. *sigh*
took a bunch of pictures of abi earlier on.. i'll prolly through one in here at some point, just to show off how cute she is : P
also been thinking that i really need to make a resolution to read more. i think its horrible how little i've been reading lately, and it needs to change.
also just noticed that bill's account isn't on & idle.. its off... thats odd...
also been thinking that i really need to make an effort to hang out with more people... i rarely see anyone other then bill & tobi, and when neither one is around i feel like a total reject...
bloop...
i wonder whether my mood can be read through my entries. i know i can see it... whenever i'm anxious, my sentences are more terse, and i skip topics a lot, while when i am feeling better, they flow and tangent more...
and i think thats it for me right now...
