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elvendollmy tummy has felt kinda funky ever since lunch... i was hoping first dinner, and then ice cream would make it better, but they didn't... so its kinda tense-icky to being with so the mildest anxiety lurking in there is more perceptible.
and it pisses me off.
i don't know where this anxiety is coming from.
there's a couple of possibilities, which i don't want to get into here, but i don't think either one of them is it. and damnit, i just want this to stop.
and i feel like i should go to sleep soon. 3 hours ago i was barely awake, but now i am not sleepy anymore, and falling asleep alone is just that much harder when you're out of practice at it. its like even when bill is in the other room, knowing he's going to join me soon creates almost like a sense of purpose to going to sleep.. and going to sleep alone just feels like something is missing...
so yeah, if you haven't guessed yet, bill's away tonight - he's helping some friends move & then coming back tomorrow evening...
he was very sweet though and made me dinner before he left - yummy yummy pasta alfredo with mushrooms.
i feel so terrible... we haven't been spending much time together the past 3 weeks or so, and its starting ot get to me.. but i've been in really shitty moods this whole week, which makes my ability to take anything just go down the drain. so what do i do? i get all crabby & bitchy to him, complaining about how we don't enough time together, getting pissed off whenever he gets sucked into the computer, etc.. and in the back of my mind, i am fully aware that no sane person would want to go out of their way to spend time with someone when that person is acting out their foul mood. i mean, thats just not fun! and i have been trying to stop it... but i'm definately not succeeding anywhere near to enough, damnit ; /
on some better news, i painted my finger nails today! : )
it may seem like something really trivial, but how horrible i've looked lately has really been bothering me, and just seeing my fingers be painted is making me feel like a little less of a trainwreck - now if only my face would clear up i'd feel so much better!
but heh - it hink i am starting to get sleepy... wish me luck... : )
and it pisses me off.
i don't know where this anxiety is coming from.
there's a couple of possibilities, which i don't want to get into here, but i don't think either one of them is it. and damnit, i just want this to stop.
and i feel like i should go to sleep soon. 3 hours ago i was barely awake, but now i am not sleepy anymore, and falling asleep alone is just that much harder when you're out of practice at it. its like even when bill is in the other room, knowing he's going to join me soon creates almost like a sense of purpose to going to sleep.. and going to sleep alone just feels like something is missing...
so yeah, if you haven't guessed yet, bill's away tonight - he's helping some friends move & then coming back tomorrow evening...
he was very sweet though and made me dinner before he left - yummy yummy pasta alfredo with mushrooms.
i feel so terrible... we haven't been spending much time together the past 3 weeks or so, and its starting ot get to me.. but i've been in really shitty moods this whole week, which makes my ability to take anything just go down the drain. so what do i do? i get all crabby & bitchy to him, complaining about how we don't enough time together, getting pissed off whenever he gets sucked into the computer, etc.. and in the back of my mind, i am fully aware that no sane person would want to go out of their way to spend time with someone when that person is acting out their foul mood. i mean, thats just not fun! and i have been trying to stop it... but i'm definately not succeeding anywhere near to enough, damnit ; /
on some better news, i painted my finger nails today! : )
it may seem like something really trivial, but how horrible i've looked lately has really been bothering me, and just seeing my fingers be painted is making me feel like a little less of a trainwreck - now if only my face would clear up i'd feel so much better!
but heh - it hink i am starting to get sleepy... wish me luck... : )
