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Mar. 3rd, 2001 02:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollthis is the end of a surreal evening.
bill was chattering ont he phone and i'm feeling moody - not a good combo : /
this whole evening has felt like there is something missing.
i don't doubt that my ulcer acting up again didn't help, but it was still odd.
at the club, i was just wandering around. very few people i knew... and i never felt comfortable enough to just socialize aside from watching one of the skits with c. i was actually almost surprised when he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the front of the stage... its been a while since we've hung out & talked... and i guess i just took that as a sign. which dosn't even mean that this was nothing more then randomness - my mind just overanalyzes a bunch.
i think if i was in a better mood, and less icky people were there i would have really enjoyed sitting down in a corner and just people watching for a really long time, but there were too many other people sitting down and no room for me.. and walking around, people were just being awkward road blocks, and i don't if it was me being more awkward then usual, or just the way things panned out, but it was certainly uncomfortable. its like whenever i felt anyone touch me, my guard would shoot way up until i saw who it was (and then a warm smile or a really dirty look would follow, depending on whether or not i know the offender).
food for thought - finally i got a seat, but int he lounge room. some kid sitting accross from me looked vaguely like an icky person i used to know, which struck me as odd & i kinda just spaced out with my head turned into the general direction. i didn't think twice of it because usually my bubble is strong enough for random people not to approach me, but this guy was an exception. he came over & asked me if i come there often. okay - first - really bad come on line. second - he reminds of an icky person. so i shake my head no and say 'no thanks' and when he doesn't go away, i stood up and left the room.
was this rude?
i mean for all i know, the guy may have thought i looked lonely and thought h'ed introduce himself.
but random people coming up to me is a big no-no for me...
so damnit, how way off base am i?
but bill is off the phone now so i guess we should go to bed now.
tomorrow is bound to be a long day, cuz this room is a sty now and needs to be clean by 8. *sigh*
bill was chattering ont he phone and i'm feeling moody - not a good combo : /
this whole evening has felt like there is something missing.
i don't doubt that my ulcer acting up again didn't help, but it was still odd.
at the club, i was just wandering around. very few people i knew... and i never felt comfortable enough to just socialize aside from watching one of the skits with c. i was actually almost surprised when he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the front of the stage... its been a while since we've hung out & talked... and i guess i just took that as a sign. which dosn't even mean that this was nothing more then randomness - my mind just overanalyzes a bunch.
i think if i was in a better mood, and less icky people were there i would have really enjoyed sitting down in a corner and just people watching for a really long time, but there were too many other people sitting down and no room for me.. and walking around, people were just being awkward road blocks, and i don't if it was me being more awkward then usual, or just the way things panned out, but it was certainly uncomfortable. its like whenever i felt anyone touch me, my guard would shoot way up until i saw who it was (and then a warm smile or a really dirty look would follow, depending on whether or not i know the offender).
food for thought - finally i got a seat, but int he lounge room. some kid sitting accross from me looked vaguely like an icky person i used to know, which struck me as odd & i kinda just spaced out with my head turned into the general direction. i didn't think twice of it because usually my bubble is strong enough for random people not to approach me, but this guy was an exception. he came over & asked me if i come there often. okay - first - really bad come on line. second - he reminds of an icky person. so i shake my head no and say 'no thanks' and when he doesn't go away, i stood up and left the room.
was this rude?
i mean for all i know, the guy may have thought i looked lonely and thought h'ed introduce himself.
but random people coming up to me is a big no-no for me...
so damnit, how way off base am i?
but bill is off the phone now so i guess we should go to bed now.
tomorrow is bound to be a long day, cuz this room is a sty now and needs to be clean by 8. *sigh*
