i need to sleep...
Mar. 21st, 2001 01:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollbut i don't wanna...
i don't like thought of falling asleep without my baby... but he's out late tonight, and waiting for him would be beyond not advisable.
it just bugs me... yesterday i was in bed when he got home, and didn't get to see him for more then 5 minutes, when he came in to say hi & give me snuggles and smooches. i came to half-awareness when he got into bed at 4am, but it was only half, and therefore doesn't really count. and then i saw him for all of a half hour today before he went out.
suck.
i miss spending the afternoons together.
i miss cuddling by the evil tube, i miss going out for meals, i miss just getting to be around each other, because now when we do see each other, i have this unreasonable sense of expectancy.
i'm trying to keep myself in line with thoughts of the weekend - we're going to NY, and damnit, we're going to spend the whole weekend together, without other people, without our computers or the tv, and without the usual mundanity.
now if the weather would just conform. thoughts of having to walk around in cold rain subtract from my utopic visions.
here's me having my fingers crossed
on a more positive note, max got home like an hour ago, and we talked about my thoughts on the house situation. he let me know that he is okay with what i want (need?) to do and that makes me feel a lot better. lots of tentativeness is still ahead, but now i am less anxious over it. also made me realize how unappreciative i am of max. in a lot of ways, i have let little things cloud my vision, and lost active perception of how mild and accepting he is. and it makes me feel even more horrible knowing that it took him being angelic about losing something he likes to my needs to see this. because this isn't a 'me getting my way' kind of thing... i so honestly wish the situation was different... that somehow things could be worked out..
*sigh*
i did say bedtime, didn't i?
and with all luck, i will get the shower when i need it tomorrow morning.
heh.
my ideal tomorrow morning - get up at 7am, shower, grab brownie for breakfast, make a baggy of st. john's wort pills to take to work and leave by 7:30, drop by osco on the way to pick up shampoo & conditioner for gymbag and more ginseng for my work-supplement stash, and get to work early. and be coherent for all this.
do i have the slightest hope of actually doing this? hell no.
i had a hard enough time waking up this morning with barely enough time to shower (only to find the shower occupied, saying screw it & pulling on jammies).
and then i was so upset over the house situation durbing the last hour of work today (i was nearly crying. sometimes, i wish i could just turn my head off) that i didn't go to the gym. i added self-justification through the fact that my upper amrs are sore.
but i was talking about bed, wasn't i?
i don't like thought of falling asleep without my baby... but he's out late tonight, and waiting for him would be beyond not advisable.
it just bugs me... yesterday i was in bed when he got home, and didn't get to see him for more then 5 minutes, when he came in to say hi & give me snuggles and smooches. i came to half-awareness when he got into bed at 4am, but it was only half, and therefore doesn't really count. and then i saw him for all of a half hour today before he went out.
suck.
i miss spending the afternoons together.
i miss cuddling by the evil tube, i miss going out for meals, i miss just getting to be around each other, because now when we do see each other, i have this unreasonable sense of expectancy.
i'm trying to keep myself in line with thoughts of the weekend - we're going to NY, and damnit, we're going to spend the whole weekend together, without other people, without our computers or the tv, and without the usual mundanity.
now if the weather would just conform. thoughts of having to walk around in cold rain subtract from my utopic visions.
here's me having my fingers crossed
on a more positive note, max got home like an hour ago, and we talked about my thoughts on the house situation. he let me know that he is okay with what i want (need?) to do and that makes me feel a lot better. lots of tentativeness is still ahead, but now i am less anxious over it. also made me realize how unappreciative i am of max. in a lot of ways, i have let little things cloud my vision, and lost active perception of how mild and accepting he is. and it makes me feel even more horrible knowing that it took him being angelic about losing something he likes to my needs to see this. because this isn't a 'me getting my way' kind of thing... i so honestly wish the situation was different... that somehow things could be worked out..
*sigh*
i did say bedtime, didn't i?
and with all luck, i will get the shower when i need it tomorrow morning.
heh.
my ideal tomorrow morning - get up at 7am, shower, grab brownie for breakfast, make a baggy of st. john's wort pills to take to work and leave by 7:30, drop by osco on the way to pick up shampoo & conditioner for gymbag and more ginseng for my work-supplement stash, and get to work early. and be coherent for all this.
do i have the slightest hope of actually doing this? hell no.
i had a hard enough time waking up this morning with barely enough time to shower (only to find the shower occupied, saying screw it & pulling on jammies).
and then i was so upset over the house situation durbing the last hour of work today (i was nearly crying. sometimes, i wish i could just turn my head off) that i didn't go to the gym. i added self-justification through the fact that my upper amrs are sore.
but i was talking about bed, wasn't i?
