other stuff went on, but...

[elvendoll]

...all that's made a really lasting impression is whatever twist my hormones/body chemistry/mood took from late last night to into this afternoon.

just remembering scares me.

i've never been one to cry in public. and its been 3 years since the last thought of suicide.

a part of me is scared shitless that this is SAD-on-crack, inspired by the weather change. i was blocking my fear of the fall before... now i have put up cement walls - because i am just really scared.
and i want to forget.
to not feel vulnerable from the sheer fact of knowing how out of my own control i was.
and to really get rid of all the bad thoughts in my head *sigh*

but its bedtime now
here's hoping tomorrow is a better day

Comments

[tobi.livejournal.com]

*lots of hugs*