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i'm having a weird morning...
my heart was a little overzealous when i first woke up, could barely get out of bed...
its funny how the heart thing comes completely randmomly, and stays for a total random amount of time...
oh well... haven't had one in a while, and now i should be clear for a few more months.
slept odd last night.
the chinese food bill & i had was overloaded with MSG, and it made my tummy bloat and my head all fuzzy, so i just drifted off with my head under the blankets. its funny - i used to sleep like that when i was a kid, and then sometime arund 11 or 12, i couldn't anymore - it would make me feel like i'm not getting enough oxygen, and now i can do it again.. *shrug*
so i fell asleep on my favorite side of the bed - the inside... it used ot be mu side of the bed, but since bill's shoulder got fucked up in july, he'd been hogging it... so i guess his subconscious was pissed at me for taking that side of the bed, cuz he didn't hold me for most of the night... (its nothing i'm pissed or upset or worried about, mostly just amused cuz he usually holds me all night to the point of waking me up whenever he turns, because he tries to readjust my body to his new position without waking up)...
and then there were the odd things - first, i don't know what i was woken by, but i was having a bad dream (that i don't remember anymore) and then i was awake, and there was this tremendous thunder - i don't htink i ever heard thunder that loud or that long before - i got so scared i grabbed onto bill, and it was just what i would always imagine an eathquake to sound like - the earth moving apart and then coming back together.
bill, of course, didn't even wake up.
in fact, i had to ask our upstairs neighbor if she heard the thunder too, just to make sure it wasn't out of a dream...
and then there was the buzzing sound early in the morning.
i have no clue what the fuck it was. i've heard it once before, in the middle of the night, and didn't know what it was then, either. it was htis really loud and shrill buzzing - louder then my alarmclock (which is pretty damn loud), at least three times louder then the doorbell (and you can't even hear that from our room!), and it was just rather disturbing.
and i was having some vivid dreams right before that, too, but none since...
another thing on my mind this morning is this girl elissa...
i was friends with her from my first year in america to my first semester at college, when somehow her and kira had some harsh words with each other over a mailing of mine, and i haven't heard from her since.
i guess the fact that she's supposed to be at yale, and we were talking about harvard students here last night along with my stepdad asking me if i still kept in touch with her last weekend kinda brought her forth.
and i had this sudden realization.
back then, i wasn't overly happy with my family. i didn't see how they really were doing all they could, and trying to adjust to the cultural differences between what teenagers went through in russia and here. and elissa was always there to second how unfair and unsupportive they were, she had this theory that my parents owed me so much then they were giving me.
and it took until a random thought today to realize that all that was was her projecting her feelings on her family onto me. because her parents were quite wealthy, but did not spend much time with their children, especially not quality time, and there was always this competition for better/more expensive presents between her and her adoptive brother.
i remembered how upset she got when i lst my virginity, too... how she was crying, and yelling, and telling me i just made a stupid mistake because my parents didn't love me and i was trying to compensate. that was definately one of the last straws of our friendship...
...but now, thinking all this, makes me wonder where/how she is now.
unfortunately, yale has closed off their finger server.
and i really don't feel like emailing her, or even calling to her parents' house next weekend (she's bound to come home for yom kippur). i just wish there was an anonymous way to find out.
but oh well.
other then that, nothing much is up.
i didn't make it to my first class today, again, but its okay. there was no way i could have with my heart acting up, and i didn't have enough cash for the parking anyways.
i do need to make it into school for my second class, just in case she has our tests graded (though i am not counting on it) and to pick up a couple of books for my tuesday class.
my heart was a little overzealous when i first woke up, could barely get out of bed...
its funny how the heart thing comes completely randmomly, and stays for a total random amount of time...
oh well... haven't had one in a while, and now i should be clear for a few more months.
slept odd last night.
the chinese food bill & i had was overloaded with MSG, and it made my tummy bloat and my head all fuzzy, so i just drifted off with my head under the blankets. its funny - i used to sleep like that when i was a kid, and then sometime arund 11 or 12, i couldn't anymore - it would make me feel like i'm not getting enough oxygen, and now i can do it again.. *shrug*
so i fell asleep on my favorite side of the bed - the inside... it used ot be mu side of the bed, but since bill's shoulder got fucked up in july, he'd been hogging it... so i guess his subconscious was pissed at me for taking that side of the bed, cuz he didn't hold me for most of the night... (its nothing i'm pissed or upset or worried about, mostly just amused cuz he usually holds me all night to the point of waking me up whenever he turns, because he tries to readjust my body to his new position without waking up)...
and then there were the odd things - first, i don't know what i was woken by, but i was having a bad dream (that i don't remember anymore) and then i was awake, and there was this tremendous thunder - i don't htink i ever heard thunder that loud or that long before - i got so scared i grabbed onto bill, and it was just what i would always imagine an eathquake to sound like - the earth moving apart and then coming back together.
bill, of course, didn't even wake up.
in fact, i had to ask our upstairs neighbor if she heard the thunder too, just to make sure it wasn't out of a dream...
and then there was the buzzing sound early in the morning.
i have no clue what the fuck it was. i've heard it once before, in the middle of the night, and didn't know what it was then, either. it was htis really loud and shrill buzzing - louder then my alarmclock (which is pretty damn loud), at least three times louder then the doorbell (and you can't even hear that from our room!), and it was just rather disturbing.
and i was having some vivid dreams right before that, too, but none since...
another thing on my mind this morning is this girl elissa...
i was friends with her from my first year in america to my first semester at college, when somehow her and kira had some harsh words with each other over a mailing of mine, and i haven't heard from her since.
i guess the fact that she's supposed to be at yale, and we were talking about harvard students here last night along with my stepdad asking me if i still kept in touch with her last weekend kinda brought her forth.
and i had this sudden realization.
back then, i wasn't overly happy with my family. i didn't see how they really were doing all they could, and trying to adjust to the cultural differences between what teenagers went through in russia and here. and elissa was always there to second how unfair and unsupportive they were, she had this theory that my parents owed me so much then they were giving me.
and it took until a random thought today to realize that all that was was her projecting her feelings on her family onto me. because her parents were quite wealthy, but did not spend much time with their children, especially not quality time, and there was always this competition for better/more expensive presents between her and her adoptive brother.
i remembered how upset she got when i lst my virginity, too... how she was crying, and yelling, and telling me i just made a stupid mistake because my parents didn't love me and i was trying to compensate. that was definately one of the last straws of our friendship...
...but now, thinking all this, makes me wonder where/how she is now.
unfortunately, yale has closed off their finger server.
and i really don't feel like emailing her, or even calling to her parents' house next weekend (she's bound to come home for yom kippur). i just wish there was an anonymous way to find out.
but oh well.
other then that, nothing much is up.
i didn't make it to my first class today, again, but its okay. there was no way i could have with my heart acting up, and i didn't have enough cash for the parking anyways.
i do need to make it into school for my second class, just in case she has our tests graded (though i am not counting on it) and to pick up a couple of books for my tuesday class.
