(no subject)

[elvendoll]

ow.
i know depression is hitting me hard when i skim a roommate ad for a cheap place in the suburbs and think 'i could move there... save money... and its so far away that i'd never go out and see people again'* *tries to bash head against table*

i don't know how much hormones are playing a part in this, but if i'm not better in a week, someone please remind me to see a doc and get some pills. for all of my hesitations about prescription pills, if st. john's wort isn't doing it, i need something that will because there is no reason for me to be feeling like this

of course, this morning didn't start out in the best way ever.
i slept in a bit, and was doing well until i figured out/received some less then stellar news.

first, i realized that after hyping myself up for yoga tonight, i might not be able to go. i'm pms'ing, remember? so, there's a good chance i'll be bleeding before the day ends, and bleeding + yoga is bad - i've found out the hard way before.

second, my clients are being f*cking dolts.
client 1a - sent near-urgent changes at the end of the day yesterday. today is supposed to be a full day, but, the most vital bits were for when deirdre can meet with me. so, i decided to make my day easier, and made their changes from home - spending a few hours on them to give myself a chance to sleep in and have a sane day.
the result?
the changes they sent hadn't been approved, and got nixed, so they need to be undone this morning.
client 1b - barely any signs of life from them around the holidays, and they're making up for it now. and most of this is inefficiently organized busywork
client 1c - has goddamnweird issue, and isn't going to be happy when i tell them that we can't figure out why.
client 2 - mostly an annoyance - the project was totally misrepresented at the beginning, they've been a pain in the ass to work with, and today there's an email with the subject line of 'Our first modification'. first my ass - first *this year*, for something that should've been finished up in the beginning of November!


and yeah, i'm sure my mental state is doing nothing to help me keep an even keel.

* no, i'm not considering moving. i know that when i'm sane i love my apartment and its location

Comments

[autumnsshadow.livejournal.com]

i know that when i'm sane.

Maybe that's why I can never remember anything...

I'm happy you're not considering moving. =)

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

Maybe that's why I can never remember anything...

heh...
its not that i forget things - its more that i know things, but lose the ability to feel them...

I'm happy you're not considering moving. =)

yay! *hoping this means i haven't been a bad roommate*

[autumnsshadow.livejournal.com]

Of course you haven't been a bad roommate!
I could tell you didn't have such a great day yesterday, so I tried to give you a little space, but I certainly wasn't bothered. And if you ever want to vent or whatever, my door's always open.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

thank you!

let me know if there's ever a time when you want space and i'm being clueless

[rojagato.livejournal.com]

if i'm not better in a week, someone please remind me [...] if st. john's wort isn't doing it, i need something that will because there is no reason for me to be feeling like this

And if it happens reliably every month, would you still consider going to see someone?

I don't like the idea of medicalizing a normal body process, but still. And there are things that you can work out with health provider that don't involve drugs. This article (click through the ad) and those linked to it might have some ideas for you. It sounds like you've done some research on this, though. Do let me know if you need help.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

thank you!

i think the next things i can do without/aside from going on prescription meds is to be better about my vitamin intake - which, unfortunately, would involve a sizeable change to my lifestyle. i do need to spend some time & try to figure out how i can work that in.

i'm also going to look around for an evening primrose tea - i have and drink chamomille already and while it helps me relax when i'm doing okay, it doesn't seem to do much when i'm off (but then again, it takes 3-400mg of valerian to affect me when i'm feeling off)

And if it happens reliably every month, would you still consider going to see someone?

honestly? no...
i'd much rather do homeopathic stuff and do my best version of sucking up and dealing for something that happens for 2-4 days out of a month.
if this is depression-on-pmscrack, i'll deal. i'm more worried that this is my SAD, with as much help as St. John's Wort can give it - in which case i need something else to help me get through the next 3+ months.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

hrmm... i'll look into lavendar tea...

and my issue is that i can sleep - for 10-14 hours a day, even - and still wake up feeling unrested, which leads to a desire to sleep more, when in reality, its just a waste of time.

ps. at least you now have a roommate who is used to dealing with this, er, flux in emotions!

well, luckily for him, i hatehatehate inflicting myself on others when i'm feeling off - which means that i'm likely to be just very quiet. i hope my room gets warmer soon, so i can go be cranky in my room and not fill the living room with the negativity.

*hope you feel better soon*

thank you : )

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

yes, i do have SAD.
i had clinical depression from when i was 14 to 19 - early and long enough that i just didn't know how the world was without it. and then (thanks to st. john's wort), it lifted. and the world changed... but something about having been there left me vulnerable to it - the severity varies from one winter to the next, but this was has been particularly bad.

i think i need to be taught how to meditate, and it still might not work for me - my head works in a weird way that may lend me unable to do it in a way that works for me.

& i'd say no, but thank you : )

[xevb3k.livejournal.com]

and my issue is that i can sleep - for 10-14 hours a day, even - and still wake up feeling unrested, which leads to a desire to sleep more, when in reality, its just a waste of time.

I have the same problem. It comes back every now and then. The only difference for me is that I also can't sleep until sometime between 4am and sunrise, so I sleep all day. I think that may be my natural sleep cycle.

Have you ever considered the possibility that you could have chronic fatigue?