(no subject)

[elvendoll]

its a tightrope, i don't want to keep whining, but i also can't hold this shit in.

i'm just so sick and fucking tired of this
it feels like aside from sol3, there isn't anything good in my life and that isn't good/healthy for me or reasonable to/for him.
work's been this mess of weirdness that is mostly in my own head.
i'm not feeling grounded with the class at all - the lectures are okay, but they don't even touch on the readings, which i'm super behind on. the midterm is like this looming iceberg and because the lectures aren't connected to the readings, i have no clue what kind of questions he's going to ask or what his grading style is.
i feel a combination of defensive and vulnerable with just about everyone in my life; like i'm fucking up left and right and if i don't hide, it'll be thrown in my face one way or another.
constantly being cold makes trying to be productive incredibly hard - i get home and sit down on the couch and getting up means being colder, and so i avoid it to what is reaching unhealthy levels.
and not being productive leaves me feeling hollow and subhuman.
and all of these twist themselves into cycles.

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*hug*