shrunk

[elvendoll]

had my first shrink appointment yesterday.
i was anxious as all hell during it, and for a while afterwards - it's like my anxiety is a sentient entity with a defense mechanism - 'oh, you think you're making steps to get rid of me? just try it now'.
the session ended up being filled with me giving chunks of my history, which is to be expected, and before the next session, i was asked to figure out what it is that i do to avoid doing the things i should be doing.
starting to think about that made me realize that when i feel i'm not doing enough of something, my knee-jerk reaction is to stop doing it altogether, rather then doing more of it. this isn't a shocking revelation, but a 'nifty to get this vague thought into a concise sentence'. the next thought is that the 'enough' threshold is something i set internally.
a couple of winters ago, i broke though a lot of that by really focussing on the 'i feel better when i get something done' element, but i haven't broke though that wall in a while now, and even that becomes a cycle.

i also think i went into this because there's a part of me that feels like i need to wrap my head around the effects of my mother's lack of parenting to get past my issues, and i'm now wondering if that's a foolish goal/expectation to have.

Comments

[veek.livejournal.com]

DUDE!

Your anxiety is Scorpius (http://farscape.com/characters/scorpius_right.html)?!

:)

I don't think it's a foolish goal, but it seems like at the beginning of therapy you never really know which part you need to work through: that's part of what the shrink is for, to help you find it. Good luck.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

Your anxiety is Scorpius?!

*lol*
I'm not sure if I find the image of the creepy old man helpful!

I don't think it's a foolish goal, but it seems like at the beginning of therapy you never really know which part you need to work through: that's part of what the shrink is for, to help you find it. Good luck.

*hugs* thank you - apparently, I really needed to hear(see) this - just because I started therapy because I hit a wall I can't get around doesn't mean it's that wall that needs to be demolished.

(and, the next thought from that is 'well, how does one tell the difference between walls and doors, anyway - i think it's been too long since i've focussed on that distinction)

[dot_fennel]

Therapy is kind of mysterious.

For me, I couldn't work on the big things until I had some experience of how it was that therapy ever worked, at all. That meant wandering around a little, talking about whatever came to mind (and going through my history), waiting for something to happen. Once I had the first "so this is how it works" moment, I started to make guesses about which part of the knot to tug on next.

I hope this goes well for you, and I wish you luck.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

thank you.

if you don't mind sharing, how does it work for you?

[dreams-of-wings.livejournal.com]

In my experience, therapy works best when you _do_ go in knowing what you need to work on, but also when you realize that you might go unexpected places. You won't get much out of the first few sessions, probably, because you and the therapist will still be getting to know one another, but it will get better as it goes.

That said, if you get a feeling early on that _this_ therapist isn't good for you don't hesitate to find someone else.

Therapy has been good for me because it has helped me know what to DO with some of my more negative emotions, and helped me see the patterns that I've slipped into just through the accumulated trauma of life. Good luck to you.

[veek.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if I find the image of the creepy old man helpful!

Erm, that may have been a bit of a spoiler. Although, if you've never seen Farscape, it's a pretty obscure spoiler. It *sounds* like you haven't seen it, in which case I highly highly recommend the crac... er, show.

How do you tell a wall from a door? Now there's a great question...

[sweetbaboo.livejournal.com]

Doors require picks, walls require C-4.

[dot_fennel]

Mostly what happens is that I'll talk about something which is bothering me, and at some point, shortly after I've started to feel irritated that my therapist isn't saying anything, I'll kind of feel the emotions that have been knocking me around-- anger, anxiety, depression-- fall away, and I'll see something I wasn't quite seeing before.

I also become conscious of the explanations I've constructed about myself that friends aren't necessarily going to challenge but which my therapist might. He almost never does, but him being there makes me do it myself.

I think. I'm not sure. When I say that I've learned what works, it's more of an intuitive thing... I have a sense about what lines of thought will lead to a moment of realizing what I've been ignoring.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

thanks! ; )

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

I highly highly recommend the crac... er, show.

mmmmm... crack...

crackreferrals are typically filtered through sol3, though not for censorship reasons but because he so loves to provide the crack.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

When I say that I've learned what works, it's more of an intuitive thing... I have a sense about what lines of thought will lead to a moment of realizing what I've been ignoring.

i think i know what you mean, though it happens rather differently for me.

it's also neat to hear that psychoanalytic therapy is working for someone i know - it feels like the current attitude is to lean away from that and towards CBT, which is the direction i'm leaning towards at the moment as well - right now, more then anything else, i think i need to be challanged to action, because it feels like action is the answer to getting through the physical limitations i'm attributing to the psychological issues.