shrunk

[elvendoll]

had my first shrink appointment yesterday.
i was anxious as all hell during it, and for a while afterwards - it's like my anxiety is a sentient entity with a defense mechanism - 'oh, you think you're making steps to get rid of me? just try it now'.
the session ended up being filled with me giving chunks of my history, which is to be expected, and before the next session, i was asked to figure out what it is that i do to avoid doing the things i should be doing.
starting to think about that made me realize that when i feel i'm not doing enough of something, my knee-jerk reaction is to stop doing it altogether, rather then doing more of it. this isn't a shocking revelation, but a 'nifty to get this vague thought into a concise sentence'. the next thought is that the 'enough' threshold is something i set internally.
a couple of winters ago, i broke though a lot of that by really focussing on the 'i feel better when i get something done' element, but i haven't broke though that wall in a while now, and even that becomes a cycle.

i also think i went into this because there's a part of me that feels like i need to wrap my head around the effects of my mother's lack of parenting to get past my issues, and i'm now wondering if that's a foolish goal/expectation to have.

Comments

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

thank you.

if you don't mind sharing, how does it work for you?

[dot_fennel]

Mostly what happens is that I'll talk about something which is bothering me, and at some point, shortly after I've started to feel irritated that my therapist isn't saying anything, I'll kind of feel the emotions that have been knocking me around-- anger, anxiety, depression-- fall away, and I'll see something I wasn't quite seeing before.

I also become conscious of the explanations I've constructed about myself that friends aren't necessarily going to challenge but which my therapist might. He almost never does, but him being there makes me do it myself.

I think. I'm not sure. When I say that I've learned what works, it's more of an intuitive thing... I have a sense about what lines of thought will lead to a moment of realizing what I've been ignoring.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

When I say that I've learned what works, it's more of an intuitive thing... I have a sense about what lines of thought will lead to a moment of realizing what I've been ignoring.

i think i know what you mean, though it happens rather differently for me.

it's also neat to hear that psychoanalytic therapy is working for someone i know - it feels like the current attitude is to lean away from that and towards CBT, which is the direction i'm leaning towards at the moment as well - right now, more then anything else, i think i need to be challanged to action, because it feels like action is the answer to getting through the physical limitations i'm attributing to the psychological issues.