i'm still tired...
Sep. 9th, 2000 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll... but am going ot go to 80's night tonight!
bill got voted out on the outing at uno's earlier in the hour, and now i am trying to not prematurely stress about what to wear : )
and the margarita chrispie got me is helping with that - being midly buzzed is just a good thing in my book : )
i ended up not doing any schoolwork today, unlike what i had hoped, but i guess thats to be expected on a dat after having gone to bed at nearly 5am the night before and having guests in the house...
and i think after tomorrow i will be happy to have a low-key house for a while... now if only there was a way go get the roomies to cooperate : )
...thats just odd with bill living here... i constantly have to keep reminding myself that the different boundaries i have as a girlfriend don't cross over to the territories of being roomates.
and of course it owuldn't be nearly as big a problem for me if i wasn't the bitch of the household... but its almost like i am obligated to keep an eye out to make sure the house stays clean and make sure everyone does their little part... and when the house is messy, and people are slacking, i just feel so at fault, and i don't even know how much of that is self-fulfilling prophecy and how much is me projecting my own expectations to others, how much is just in my head and how much is real...
i guess the reason i'm spewing all this now is because there have been dishes int he sink since the bbq on monday. and i wasn't a part of that... so i was trying to get max & bill to do the dishes.. and then i decided to stop nagging...
and a week later scuba is disgruntled because he just did them.
and i feel like its my fault somehow.
and yes, there was some silverware & one pot in there that was mine... so i do realize that if i practiced what i preached i should have just done the dishes... and i did actually have that on my mental to-do list this week, but things kept coming up... so scuba ended up doing them... and thats just sucky : (
*sigh*
the other thing on my mind is kristen's journal entry...
she rather vaguely threw in there that she was aggravated with me about house stuff.
she said that she didn't talk to me about it because she was close to moving out... and there were issues that i had with her as a roommate that i never brought up either for the same reason... but i guess in my book, choosing not to bring up something to the person therefore makes the issue null and void as far as putting it up on a public forum...
so i was just irked by that as there's just nothing that can be done now and its all past, and its rather upsetting that she is blaming me for things i may have done without having expressed how she felt & gotten where i was coming from... i mean it was pretty obvious that noone was overly happy with the way the arrangement worked out, but chose to let it ride out and pass...
but oh well... life just gets to suck sometimes...
and of course this is just another thing that makes me really reevaluate where i stand in this house. i really don't like feeling like i'm in the 'mommy' role, but i also realized that its my fault that thats where i seem to be... and i just don't know how to fix the situation *stomp*
:;trying to refocus::
but 80's night should be fun!
i'm thinking of maybe wearing a floaty skirt and defintely low-heeled shoes so that i don't have any problems dancing : )
well, time to go get ready now...
bill got voted out on the outing at uno's earlier in the hour, and now i am trying to not prematurely stress about what to wear : )
and the margarita chrispie got me is helping with that - being midly buzzed is just a good thing in my book : )
i ended up not doing any schoolwork today, unlike what i had hoped, but i guess thats to be expected on a dat after having gone to bed at nearly 5am the night before and having guests in the house...
and i think after tomorrow i will be happy to have a low-key house for a while... now if only there was a way go get the roomies to cooperate : )
...thats just odd with bill living here... i constantly have to keep reminding myself that the different boundaries i have as a girlfriend don't cross over to the territories of being roomates.
and of course it owuldn't be nearly as big a problem for me if i wasn't the bitch of the household... but its almost like i am obligated to keep an eye out to make sure the house stays clean and make sure everyone does their little part... and when the house is messy, and people are slacking, i just feel so at fault, and i don't even know how much of that is self-fulfilling prophecy and how much is me projecting my own expectations to others, how much is just in my head and how much is real...
i guess the reason i'm spewing all this now is because there have been dishes int he sink since the bbq on monday. and i wasn't a part of that... so i was trying to get max & bill to do the dishes.. and then i decided to stop nagging...
and a week later scuba is disgruntled because he just did them.
and i feel like its my fault somehow.
and yes, there was some silverware & one pot in there that was mine... so i do realize that if i practiced what i preached i should have just done the dishes... and i did actually have that on my mental to-do list this week, but things kept coming up... so scuba ended up doing them... and thats just sucky : (
*sigh*
the other thing on my mind is kristen's journal entry...
she rather vaguely threw in there that she was aggravated with me about house stuff.
she said that she didn't talk to me about it because she was close to moving out... and there were issues that i had with her as a roommate that i never brought up either for the same reason... but i guess in my book, choosing not to bring up something to the person therefore makes the issue null and void as far as putting it up on a public forum...
so i was just irked by that as there's just nothing that can be done now and its all past, and its rather upsetting that she is blaming me for things i may have done without having expressed how she felt & gotten where i was coming from... i mean it was pretty obvious that noone was overly happy with the way the arrangement worked out, but chose to let it ride out and pass...
but oh well... life just gets to suck sometimes...
and of course this is just another thing that makes me really reevaluate where i stand in this house. i really don't like feeling like i'm in the 'mommy' role, but i also realized that its my fault that thats where i seem to be... and i just don't know how to fix the situation *stomp*
:;trying to refocus::
but 80's night should be fun!
i'm thinking of maybe wearing a floaty skirt and defintely low-heeled shoes so that i don't have any problems dancing : )
well, time to go get ready now...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
misunderstanding
Date: 2000-09-10 08:50 pm (UTC)"i let out some steam about yulia -- she was really getting on my nerves. just little things really, but knowing that i was moving and wouldn't have to put up with them much longer made it a lot more difficult for me to be tolerant."
which is absolutely nothing like:
"she rather vaguely threw in there that she was aggravated with me about house stuff. she said that she didn't talk to me about it because she was close to moving out..."
i never said anything about house stuff... it was more a general personality conflict. you yourself said that you were the "bitch of the household". usually i don't have issues with such trivialities, but because i was stressed about moving, the coming school year, etc. it got to me.
also, regarding:
"choosing not to bring up something to the person therefore makes the issue null and void as far as putting it up on a public forum..."
i chose not to bring it up in person because i didn't consider it worth
doing so. it was always null and void, and i don't expect it to be otherwise. i don't think any comment from me is going to change you.
i also don't consider my journal a public forum. i write the same as i do in a private journal. i just let people see the end result because it lets me be more honest with myself. therefore, the above was just a personal musing, not an accusation or whatever you're making it out to be.
Re: misunderstanding
Date: 2000-09-10 10:17 pm (UTC)basically, the way the dynamics of you living here had worked out, the only interaction we really had was regarding house stuff, so i assumed that what problems you were having with me were regarding that...
as for the considering online journals private or public, thats really a grey line, as anything that is accessible to the general public i tend to see as a public forum, but i cannot expect you to take my perception as fact... i guess your perception is one that i haven't come accross yet in my experience with online journaling.
..i hope this came out coherent.. i am rather tired & sleep depped right now - and hoping the mental note to double check this in the morning sticks : )
Re: misunderstanding
Date: 2000-09-11 07:08 am (UTC)i never really thought my perception of my journal was unique... i just do it for myself, and in order to be true to that, i don't censor it, etc. there have been a few times where others didn't like what i had to say, but i take the attitude of "this is me, if you don't like it, give me a reason why i should change"... usually they don't come up with a good enough reason.